The Fake Emu Farm: An Investigation

After days of dodging tarantula traffic zones and reading an alarming number of “fight back” warnings against nature’s deadliest creatures, I thought I had seen everything the desert had to offer.

Then, along I-10, I saw the sign.

OSTRICH FARM – COME MEET THE WORLD’S LARGEST BIRD!

I stopped in my tracks. Excuse me? The world’s largest bird? Oh, I don’t think so. As any self-respecting Aussie gal knows, that title belongs to the Emu. These so-called “ostriches” were nothing more than Fake Emus. Birds with identity crises. Tall, feathery impostors.

I had no choice. I had to investigate. So, I walked up to the property, prepared for a showdown. And let me tell you—these ostriches knew. They felt my Emu-loving energy the moment I arrived. One particularly tall one strutted over, head bobbing like it was personally offended by my existence. It stared me down with the intensity of a bird who has heard rumors.

I folded my arms. “So. You’re an ostrich.”

It blinked, unamused.

“Must be rough, knowing you’ll never be an Emu.”

I swear to you, the ostrich scoffed. Full-body attitude. Wings flared, beak twitching, pure resentment.

That’s when I realized something—they’re mad about it. Ostriches know they are the inferior model. They have the height, sure, but Emus have the prestige. The mystique. The legacy. Meanwhile, ostriches? Just desert pigeons with a superiority complex.

I continued my scientific analysis.
• Their legs? Too long.
• Their necks? Suspiciously flexible.
• Their eyes? Judgy. Very judgy.

One fluffed its feathers at me. I raised an eyebrow. “Oh, real original. You know who did that first? An Emu.” At this point, I had officially offended an entire species. I took a respectful step back, nodding to my feathered rivals. “Alright, alright. You do you.”

The biggest one gave me one final glare, then turned with a dramatic tail flick and strutted off like it had better things to do. I walked away, feeling victorious. Science had been done.

Final verdict? Ostriches absolutely have attitudes. But can you blame them? I’d be mad too, if I were just a knockoff Emu.

… But they DO have nice eyelashes!